Preface

Have you ever poured a lot of effort into a small project, only to be disappointed by the result? You think, “This was so much better in my head.” Whether it’s a food recipe, a home DIY project (not IKEA), or something at work, it’s a crushing feeling because the time and effort you invested seem wasted. To combat this feeling, I will often take on a small, simple task that I know I can knock out of the park. I wrote this article with the same intent. I spent part of the weekend trying to write my next article titled, “Should You Be Canceled for Saying ‘Retard’?” Despite deep research, reading, and continuous refining of my arguments, I found the end result unsatisfactory. It was still far from being ready to publish. So today, I decided to write about a topic I know well: The Indian societal paradigm of never questioning your elders.

Introduction

We are more than familiar with the “Don’t talk back to your elders” dictum. It’s something we’ve all encountered, even when we knew for certain that we were right. The objective fact that we are right takes a backseat, and the entire focus of the conversation becomes — “How can you question someone older than you?” As a 13 year-old, hormone-infused teenager, I used to get quite bafflingly frustrated whenever this happened. Why was that suddenly the topic of discussion? Was I not allowed to have a rational argument just because I was born 25 years later? My victory was right there, until it wasn’t. When I took suspiciously long showers at 13, it was only because I was committed to finishing those arguments in my head and winning them. Handily.

Alas, those arguments stayed stuffed inside. It didn’t matter if the elder in question was an idiot, misinformed, stubborn, or all three. For some reason, their age granted them immunity from questioning. Now, as a 31-year-old, I want to evaluate those thoughts and conclude whether it was wrong of me to think my arguments were unjustly dismissed, or whether there is some underlying reasoning that makes it all make sense. Spoiler: There isn’t. It’s a moronic practice that should have ended years ago. Let’s see why.

Origins

I love speculating and extrapolating from incomplete information. It’s like seeing a “Do Not Iron Clothes While Wearing Them” sign on a clothes iron. Why did they have to put that up? I felt the same curiosity here. I tried my damnedest to understand WHY this practice of not questioning your elders came to be. This is the best I could come up with: It is likely an ancient custom from a time when knowledge sharing was tedious and nigh impossible. Not everyone had access to books, the internet, or other information sources. Back then, experience was the primary source of a person’s knowledge. Elders, having lived longer, were more likely to be right based on their experiences, as younger people were simply working with a fraction of the information available to them.

However, this is no longer the case. I grew up with newspapers, books, and TV. The next generation has even more information at their fingertips via the internet. Their knowledge is not constrained by their age, and yet the above paradigm has not shifted. I still remember an argument I had when I was 14. I do not remember how it started, but the conversation was revolving around ranks in the Air Force. An older uncle insisted that “Commodore” was an Air Force rank. I told him it was actually a rank in the navy. The only reason I knew that fact at the time was because I had just watched Pirates of the Caribbean (Commodore Norrington ftw). I knew I was right, yet the gentleman insisted I was wrong because he knew some Commodore in the airforce. I was asked to shut up, because his experience meant he was right. (FYI — The Air Force rank is “Air Commodore”).

This incident is a simple illustration of how a breadth of information comes to children from various sources these days. Nowadays, kids might know something I don’t because they saw it on a reel or something. I should not lose my cool or be offended if they correct my knowledge or question my beliefs. We should be open to having our stances and knowledge challenged. Disagreement is not disrespect; it’s a chance to learn and gain new perspectives.

The importance of questioning

Questioning elders is not about disrespecting their experience or wisdom. It’s about seeking understanding and fostering dialogue. Elders can provide valuable insights based on their experiences, but their views should also be open to scrutiny and discussion. This is especially important in a rapidly changing world where new information and perspectives continuously emerge. Questioning is at the root of critical thinking. Unless you question things you are told, the things you read, and the things you see, you are unable to critically think about anything. As Indian kids, our questioning is stopped not just at home, but also at school: the emphasis is often on rote memorization rather than understanding.

I still cannot believe I am writing this, but we are instructed to turn our critical thinking OFF in school. We are taught to never question our teachers or their teaching methods. For instance, I vividly remember being told to memorize that the derivative of x-squared is 2x, without ever understanding why. This approach not only undermines the learning process but also discourages curiosity and inquiry. Why is the derivative of x-squared 2x? How does this relate to the fundamental principles of calculus? These questions would lead to a deeper understanding of the subject, fostering analytical skills and a love for learning. Instead, we are taught to accept and memorize, creating a generation that is more susceptible to misinformation and less capable of independent thought. They are never encouraged to question the information presented to them.

The problem with not questioning

The next time you wonder how a large mass of educated people can fall prey to such an obvious propaganda movement from whatever political party you hate, know that it is because they were never fostered in an environment where they were encouraged to question information. The next time you wonder why an educated family wants their daughter-in-law to be a stay-at-home wife, know that they refuse to question existing customs. The next time you wonder why your IIT graduate boyfriend sucks at standing up to his parents about their outdated expectations from you, know that they never let him feel safe and secure emotionally about confronting and questioning their authority.

This is not to take any blame away from agents in those positions, but I just want to outline a contributing factor as to why they struggle to question and challenge information and authority when they obviously should.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the practice of discouraging questioning elders is an outdated relic that no longer serves us in the modern age. While the wisdom and experience of our elders is invaluable, it is not infallible. Encouraging open dialogue and questioning fosters critical thinking and promotes a deeper understanding. It is through respectful questioning and discussion that we can challenge outdated beliefs, embrace new perspectives, and evolve as a society.

If you have made the mistake of having kids, please do them the favor of allowing them to question you. If your kids are questioning your own parents, your siblings, cousins or friends, encourage them. By empowering younger generations to voice their thoughts and opinions, we not only validate their knowledge but also pave the way for a more informed, thoughtful, and inclusive future.